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COMMUNICATE EFFECTIVELY

Communicate Effectively Communicate Effectively
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Category: Styles of Communication
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Language (1)

Dr Eric Berne developed the concept of Transactional Analysis which is one framework among many for understanding, albeit in a limited way, the behaviour and personality of people as observed in their interpersonal communications. Berne's work is set out in the helpful booklet "A Tool for Christians'' by J C Morrison.

Berne describes three ‘ego states’ - Parent, Adult and Child. Each person is a blend of the three and from time to time each will dominate the individual and influence their communication.

It is important to realise that these terms are to some extent specialised and do not just mean what normal usage implies; they are states of being, psychological realities, not roles which people adopt, as if they were a parent, adult or child.

Observation of people shows that the three states exist in all people. It is as if in each person there is the same little person that was there when he was three years old. There is also within him his own parents. These are recordings in the brain of actual experiences of internal and external events, the most significant of which happened during the first five years of life. There is a third state, different from these two, which begins to emerge at 10 months, and is concerned with reality testing, probability estimating, and updating and validating Parent data. This is the Adult state.

Having begun to develop a language we come to the main reason for doing so: using it to analyse what’s going on between people. The purpose of the analysis is to discover which part of each person is originating each section of the interchange.

There are many clues to help identify Parent, Adult or Child states:

Parent clues:
 Physical - Furrowed brow, pursed lips, the ‘horrified’ look, foot-tapping, hands on hip, arms folded across chest, wringing hands, tongue- clucking, sighing, patting another on the head. And many more, depending upon what one’s own parents did which was idiosyncratic.
 Verbal - “I am going to put a stop to this once and for all.” “I can’t for the life of me....”. “Now always remember ....” “How many times have I told your?” “If I were you.......”
Child clues:
 Physical - Since the Child’s earliest responses to the external world were non-verbal the most readily apparent Child clues are seen in childish expressions: quivering lip, temper, shrugging shoulders, delight.
 Verbal - Many words identify the Child: I wish, I want, I dunno, I don’t care, bigger, biggest, better, best.

Adult clues:
 Physical - The Adult face is straightforward. Listening with the Adult is identified by continual movement - of the face, the eyes, the body.
 Verbal - The basic vocabulary of the Adult consists of why, what, where, when, who and how.

With these clues to help, we can begin to identify Parent, Adult and Child in interchanges involving ourselves and others.

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